Mark Trammell
Well, you Twilighters can rest easier- “New Moon” is finally here! To the delight of tweens and teens (and some of their moms) everywhere, the latest installment of the seemingly unstoppable franchise opened at midnight last Thursday, shattering the previously held record (the last Harry Potter movie) to the tune of $26.3 million, then following that up by having the biggest opening day ever at $72.7 million. So, the obvious question is: does it live up to the hype?
Yes and no. On the one hand, the entire team behind the franchise is clearly in a zone this time out, despite the addition of several new cast members and a new director. Whereas the “Harry Potter” movies took a while to get going in earnest, watching “New Moon” is like sliding into a comfy pair of well-worn slippers. The world of “Twilight” is firmly established, and no time is wasted reiterating things. Only the new characters get a splashy welcome, literally in the case of the Werewolf clan, but more figuratively in the case of the Volturi, a fancy-pants Italian-based crew of vamps who form a tribunal of sorts to eke out punishment to those who break vamp laws. Yes, vampires apparently have their own laws too. Who knew?
We begin where we left off, with Bella (Kristen Stewart) recovering from the big vamp battle that almost took her life at the end of the first film. Her and her savior, vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson) are lovey-dovey and happy, and all it takes is a none-too-subtle reference to “Romeo and Juliet” to know that a happy ending may not be in the cards for the twosome. Hey, at least author Stephenie Meyer knows her Shakespeare, mirroring the play’s plot in an intriguing way, unlike a certain country diva dating cast member Taylor Lautner, who plays a newly-minted werewolf, Jacob, and Bella’s oldest guy-pal.
You’ve probably also heard how Lautner came this close to losing the role before hitting the gym hard to beef up for the role. They needn’t have worried: Lautner is effortlessly charming, boding well for the ongoing “Team Edward” vs. “Team Jacob” showdown that will be further explored in the next installment, “Eclipse.” Where you stand, if you care, probably depends on your propensity for good guys or bad boys.
Before you can say “love triangle,” Edward ditches Bella after a train-wreck birthday celebration at his “family” home (aka his vamp clan), in which Bella almost becomes the celebratory cake. And you thought meeting your significant other’s family was bad!
Factor in the whole not-aging thing starting to attract unwanted attention and the Cullens decide to pull up stakes and move on in the best interest of the family. Bella, left behind, withdraws and becomes a total wreck. There’s an admittedly spectacular tracking shot where the camera circles around Bella and we see the months and seasons pass by, reflected by trick-or-treaters, falling leaves, snow, and so forth; as she sits in a daze that will be all-too-familiar to anyone who’s ever had their heart broken. Massive props to cinematographer Javier Aguirresarobe, whose excellent work here and in the first film bodes well for the impending apocalyptic saga “The Road” later this year.
After a spell, Bella reconnects with Jacob and all is well until he starts acting funny and distancing himself from Bella, just like Edward did in the first film. Turns out he’s part of a ancient werewolf clan that apparently kicks into action when its members hit puberty, at which point they get all buff and are apparently required by werewolf law to go everywhere without a shirt. Hey, after all the years of female exploitation in horror movies, it’s high time the ladies had their day in the sun. Get over it, guys.
Besides, it’s not as if there’s any shortage of female eye candy on display here, no matter what your tastes are. If the broody Stewart doesn’t do it for you, there’s also current Maxim cover girl Ashley Greene as Bella’s vampire BFF, Alice; PETA spokesperson Christian Serratos (check her out in the latest “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” ad on their website) as Bella’s non-vamp bestie; plus Nikki Reed and Rachelle Lefevre as blonde and redheaded vamps, respectively. For the younger or creepier crowd, there’s rapidly-aging former child star Dakota Fanning as a red-eyed bringer-of-pain vamp that doles out punishment for the Volturi.
Needless to say, there is a whole lot of drama on display here. As silly as the label is, there’s no denying this falls squarely into the area currently being identified as “paranormal romance.” (Now there’s a subgenre that could have made things in “Paranormal Activity” even freakier! Can you say spooky booty call?) Die-hard horror fans know better than to wander in “New Moon” expecting too much in the way of thrills.
There’s a nifty chase sequence in the woods, a werewolf vs. werewolf throw-down, a pack of werewolves vs. Reggae vamp blowout, plus some pretty intense stuff in Italy, but none of it is particularly scary. However, on the negative side, the CGI-driven effects are pretty unconvincing, from the still-silly “glittering” effect to the clearly fake werewolves, who don’t exactly inspire “American Werewolf in London”-type awe. As long as things happen fast, the effects are decent, but too often, the films slows things down, exposing the chintzy effects for the computer images they really are.
Let’s face it: this movie is virtually critic proof, and there’s nothing I could possibly say that would keep interested fans from going. That said, it is better than the first film, even at the overtly-bloated running time of 130 minutes, and the well-applied soundtrack is excellent, featuring everyone from Thom Yorke (Radiohead) to Death Cab for Cutie. The main cast are well-settled into their roles by now, and among the newcomers, old hand Michael Sheen (who plays a vamp in the “Underworld” series as well) and Fanning are pretty intimidating, all things considered.
Your enjoyment of the film will probably depend on your tolerance for brooding teen angst and heavy melodrama, when all is said and done. Having attended an earlier, relatively tween/teen-free screening, I can tell you there was more than a few clock watchers checking their cell phones to see how much more of this they had to put up with, particularly in regards to the men in the audience. Still, when the final of the two big twists not revealed in the trailer was revealed, one woman shouted “Oh my God, yes!”-which is what millions of fans will probably be saying as well as they see this over the holidays.
So, venture to the theatres at your own risk, non-Twilighters, because this is going to get worse before it gets better. At least we’ll have a break from all this vamp mania for a while once the frenzy clears. Well, not counting “Vampire Diaries,””True Blood,” and the bazillion other bandwagon jumpers out there, that is. Myself, I think I’ll stick with Buffy reruns. At least she’s not above staking a few now and then.
